Sometimes I Cry

Sometimes I cry
When I stand before God in wonder
And think of HIs great love and grace
I see Him holy and full of splendor

I start to sing
As praise ascends to my lips
Still I see His glory and srength
But fear hides that I am His

Tho Christ I see
A shame remains deep within
Years of brokeness and stans have soiled
The fabric of my soul so thin

Then I hear Him
Still I hold you in my arms
I am here and you are mine
Rest in me, I'll shield you from harm

And so I breathe
Deeply from my heart once more
The shell around me broken again
My gaze returns heaven ward

I consider
All that Jesus Christ has done for me
All that His grace has wrought
My spirit is lifted as I bow my knee

And, sometimes I cry


"You shall be holy, for I the Lord your God am holy."
Leviticus 19:2b ESV

Firmly Planted

Jesus spoke of the sower who scattered seed while planting his field (Luke 8:9-15). He related the seed that fell on the rocks to those who believed for a moment but fell away when it became hard, and because they had no root. He eventually also said the seed planted in good soil are like those who believe God's word deeply and sincerely. Please forgive my rough paraphrase. The painful beauty of seed sown in fertile soil is the reality God prepared for every Christ following believer. His glorious purpose is to draw forth a full and vibrant life from a place of darkness and loneliness. Let me explain.

I realize that those who fall away during trial (the seed on the rock) are not the only ones who experience trial. Even those planted in good soil must hold God''s word fast. And why ever hold anything fast except that something should threaten to strip it away? I am reminded that we have been made to reproduce God's love and grace, but this only happens with patience and a complete surrender to His will. How unutterably painful it is when it seems that even in the midst of being planted in good soil we experience the loneilness of the dark and suffocating soil? How terribly confusing it is in one moment to be in the palm of the Lord's hand, and in the next to be burried deeply in the dark, cold, and wet earth. Then, as if that doesn't seem bad enough, the seemingly constant torrents of water begin coming like a daily flood. And how lonely it is to be burried there out of sight and sound of all others, or so it can seem. How awful never to feel the warmth of the sun.

Then, in a brilliant transformation roots begin to extend beyond the shell of this cracked seed and the beginning of new life slowly lifts upward. Soon air is again tasted, but not by the seed. It's breathed in deeply by the new life springing forth from the dark rich nourishing soil. The light of day is felt again, or is it for the first time? Before long this new life will grow tall and vibrant, and will itself bring forth new life.

In a moment it begins to become clear how perfectly necessary the constant torrents, the once suffocating soil, even the loneliness. All of it caused this life, caused me, to reach heavenward with a strength and desire borne by the Spirit of God alone.

As for that in the good soil, they are those who, hearing God's word, hold it fast, in an honest and good heart, and bear fruit with patience.

Luke 8:15 ESV

Will you hear His word today and hold it tightly, deeply, in your own honest and good heart? I pray you do.

I Stand Renewed

Oh how my heart aches within
Here in silence
Great walls closing in

Constrained by fear so heavy
Darkness surrounds
The weight seems deathly

Falling beneath this pressing
I kneel once more
It won't release me

Rivers flow of untold pain
Never Ceasing
Memries pour like rain

My heart open and laid bare
A voice whispers
Glimpsing holy glare

Peace to you my son, be still
I'm with you here
To mend and to fill

Take hold of me now and trust
I won't let go
Despite fading dusk

The darkness there still remains
Absent is fear
Beauty His eyes contain

To my feet then do I rise
Taking His hand
Letting go a sigh

Strengthened by the love of Christ
I stand renewed
To carry His light

Faithful and Just

Is it not just to long for the promises of the Father?

Is it not just to hope for the dreams He wrote upon my heart?

Is it not just when the Lord fulfills every word uttered by His Spirit?

I will look to you, O God, and no mere man, to see your justice done in my life.

I will seek your face, my Lord, to see your will fulfilled in my day.

Many seek the face of a ruler, but it is from the Lord that a man gets justice.

Proverbs 29:26 ESV

Believe in the NAME of Jesus Christ?

What does it mean to believe in the NAME of Jesus Christ? As I sat in the still and quiet morning recently reading my Bible I began wondering this. As I considered the significance of names in Biblical culture I began to understand the importance of believing in the NAME of Jesus. A name carried far more significance in the days of Christ, and that by intention, than in our modern age. A name was meant to describe or perhaps even define a person. Yet, most people failed miserably to live up to the noble names given them. Or they seemed to succomb to the disappoinment and hurt of common, sometimes vulgar, names and lived down to them. In Jesus however we see for the first, and only, time in history someone who was not only able to live up to the full meaning of His righteous name, but lived it out so well that we could really begin to understand who He was. He was both defined by and defined His name.

Now when the name of Jesus Christ is spoken, whether in honor or dishonor, it is done so with unmistakable clarity of the person spoken about. More than this, He showed the world through His life, death, and resurrection what it meant to be God with Us, our Savior, and the Prince of Peace. Jesus allows us to see up close and with historic intimacy the heart and love of the Father for us all. So to believe in the name of Jesus Christ is to give Him your trust, to give Him your very heart, because He is trustworthy. He is faithful. Then can we also love others as His life so beautiful displayed.

1 John 3:23
And this is his commandment, that we believe in the name of his Son Jesus Christ and love one another, just as he commanded us.

No Light Ahead?

People always seem to talk about there being a light at the end of a tunnel right when you happen to be walking through a dark and challenging time. I know they only mean to bring hope. I've even spoken those words myself to try and encourage friends or loved ones from time to time. Yet, I've come to realize something that I didn't understand before. Sometimes when the road is especially hard, the pain is deep, and you can't see the way in front of you it can seem as though all light has gone out, especially at the end of the tunnel.

I used to be a person who always saw the way ahead. No matter what unexpected turn may have come my eyes remained set on the path ahead of me, the one I just knew the Lord had set my feet upon. There was just one problem. Somewhere along the journey, early on I suppose, I stopped being content with simply following the Lord's lead and began trying to forge ahead. I was certain I knew the path He was taking me on, even though I'd never been there before.

By God's kindness and grace I eventually came to realize I wasn't really following HIM all that well. What a blow it was to my pride when my eyes were opened to the truth of my limits and frailty, which I suppose was exactly the point. Then something else began to happen. The Lord didn't stop at revealing my sin of arrogance but began taking me deep into myself to reveal long hidden wounds and buried bitterness. Suddenly God wasn't talking to me about the road ahead anymore, and I had sure lost confidence in myself to see it. Instead, He was telling me to simply wait upon and to trust Him. Each time He'd reveal an old, but fresh, wound I would hear those same words again. The last thing I wanted to do was to turn and face each point of pain, but it seemed there was no moving forward through the darkness unless I did.

So, that's where I've been these days, walking through this tunnel that at times seems unbearably dark. At every bend there seems to be another reminder of past pain and regret, ones which I had unknowingly buried deep beneath the surface. As I bump into them this time around though I know I've been equipped by my Comforter to face them and receive His healing. I believe God has my way well planned out and even though I can't see where He's taking me I know He is trustworthy. Even though His road for me requires treading through dark and lonely places I will go. I'll do it because He's called me to and I know I will not be alone, whether I can see the light or not.

Deuteronomy 31:8

The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged."

Broken Me

My search begins again. I thought I was already there. I thought I had already gotten beyond all of this, but here it is once more reminding me of all the pain of yesterday. I thought I had forgiven everything there was to forgive, but something still eats away inside of me. So as I have so many times before I call out to You God, asking for You to show me just what it is that keeps me where I am, unable to move past the hurt. This time though it seems a little different. Lord, You seem to be taking me deeper than I ever wanted to go, far beyond the painful goodbye to the years of excruciating silence, to the days of so much disappointment, and lives in disrepair.

I didn’t want to be here. I didn’t want to search this far, this deep. I just wanted the memories to be wiped away, erased. I wanted my wounds to be healed and my stains to be washed clean. But somehow I’ve never let go myself. Maybe I made myself to blame or maybe I was embittered even at such a tender age. I’m not sure it really matters now, because every wound seems to have been opened again and every mark is clear to see, at least to me. Oh God, now that it’s all so fresh I pray You would somehow work the miracle of grace anew, in me. Show me how constant, and how present you were, standing by me in every scene, holding me every time I fell.

Perhaps then I will finally stop looking, and I will finally embrace You completely as the Father You have always been.