roaming about the land or soaring upon the wind. Yet, despite the glory of such natural bounty and creativity I find that I can at times be left exhausted, and not only physically.You see I’ve discovered in recent years that the solitude of the wild has become like an intimate sanctuary for me. There are places where I am able to escape while enjoying a truly fulfilling rest even as I’m expending my energy. Yet, these journeys only provide me with the opportunities for such welcome peace. An outdoorsmen’s outlet alone cannot allow me the solace my soul longs for. That only comes when those places and moments I so much enjoy are shared with the One for whom my soul longs to be near, Jesus. I can journey across hills, through canyons, and over a mountain but I find that if such an adventure is not spent alongside my Lord it is only exhilarating in the moment while later I am spent. This usually only happens when my focus rests only on the content of my surroundings rather than the content of my company.
I also find this same reality to be at work in other places of my life not limited to a landscape penetrated by trails. Recently, I’ve felt challenged by the Lord to dream and to trust Him in a way I never expected He would desire me to, and yet His call could not be clearer. So I have responded to His beckon by taking the steps I have thus far seen placed before me. However, having done so I now find myself in a place of waiting, not because I’m unsure of where the trail might lead but simply because my Guide has said to wait. Yet, this has been incredibly challenging. Just as I can be compelled to take in the beauty of a wilderness and not share it with the Lord, since hearing this call I have also tended to set my gaze upon the trail that is still before me rather than upon the One I am meant to follow.
I don’t mean to write in such a mysterious way, it’s just that only a very small part about this journey has been shown to me at this point. While that may seem to be, even to me, the impetus for my frustration' I know that it is not. I have been frustrated and at times exhausted because I have given myself to anxious thoughts and even fears centered upon the unknown. These have caused me to feel just the way Bilbo describes himself in the Lord of the Rings, “thin, like butter scraped over too much bread". However, the Lord is never the author of fear or anxiety. While He will take that which causes us to question Him (or to doubt) and challenge us in those fears, this is only done so that we might give ear to Him and trust Him more surely. I don’t know exactly how this trail that has been set before me will unwind, but I do know that when I walk beside my Friend and Guide the journey is far richer.
I remain confident of this:
I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.
Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart, wait for the Lord.
Psalm 27:13-14
2 comments:
Tim - this reminds me of an experience I had.
I went to Wolf Creek for one of those Trend West Vacation presentations. I had gone up there fully expecting to find something I wasn't interested in, take their free stuff and drive home.
I got there to find something I very much wanted to buy, but had no business buying. I excused myself for a few, and came back to the table...I told the salesman that I was definitely interested, but had expected to find something I didn't want so I hadn't prayed about it or antyhing - and I don't do anything without praying about it first.
Well - being an obvious professional salesman he pushes his chair away from the table and says "let's pray about it right now". Um - I was speechless. Literally - I didn't even have a "so are you a believer?" question for the guy. I turned tail out of that place about as fast as I could excuse myself politely.
Well - Ogden Canyon is one of these natural retreats for me. I climb up the rocks above the road and sit there. the worse I'm feeling about things the higher I climb. That night I climbed fairly high.
I was pretty disgusted with myself as I had just let an opportunity to maybe even full out present a salvation message to this salesman.
I sat there admiring a rock formation where one enormous boulder was balanced on its small end on top of another. It brought my attention back to the creation around me which always brings me back to God...well - it was almost audible that night.
"You trust me to do that (balance those rocks in that way) - but you don't trust me to put words in your mouth or to keep your mouth shut as I see fit?"
Well - sometimes the word of correction hits very close to home and makes the impact that was required. Guess it was just the hike and climb that your story made me think of...I will never forget that lesson - even when I'm not doing and living as I know I should.
Thanks for writing Tim - thanks for being an example in the world around you.
Thanks for sharing so vulnerably Jim. Knowing when to speak and when to listen can be quite the challenge at times. I find the more I set my mind on doing what I want the less room there is for me to really be led of the Lord. So, I've got to constatnly engage in giving over my thoughts and ideas to Him. It seems like He provided you a great lesson that evening. I pray it becomes a transforming moment for you my friend.
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