A Place in-Between

My wife and I have recently come to a place of sudden and life altering news, and for the first several days we simply felt stunned. There was, and still is, a tremendous amount of crying out to God, but there was also a struggle to understand why we were brought here. God was faithful to meet us and call us to trust Him. Yet, He didn't describe what trusting Him this time around is going to mean. We believe He has us in His hands and that He is in the process of answering our prayers, but we just don't know how He will do this. It feels like we've taken the first deep breath after coming out of the water but haven't yet exhaled. We'll begin breathing normally again, but until we do we're in between. At least, it feels that way to me.

It is in the in between that my heart is overwhelmed. It is a place of utter vulnerability where I recognize that I am powerless to change my circumstances. While I have a promise from God to answer my call, and my bitter cry, still I must wait to see it fulfilled. The in between is the place where the enemy of my soul longs to bring me fear and cause me to question my Holy Father. It is also a place where my Abba sees and feels my torment with me. It is a place where He reminds me of His utter love and compassion poured out for me through His son Jesus.

The in between is a place where I need to be reminded of my Daddy God's presence, His touch, and His loving eyes. It is in this place where I learn to trust my God anew, and that while He will not always take the pain from me He will lead me through the darkness. I don't think I will ever embrace these places, but I will look forward to the sweet embrace of my God as long as I'm there.

Habbakuk 3:19The sovereign Lord is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, he enable me to go on the heights.

Coudl it Be?

It is unthinkable to consider

That I could really be loved

Just for who I am

This is a love too great

Too pure

Too perfect to fathom

It escapes comprehension

And is beyond understanding

Surely only I am aware

Of the soiled and sickly

State of my heart

If the unsearchable could be revealed

If the buried could be found

From me they would run

They would know the reason that I over-eat

And why I live so anxiously

They might trace the marks of the needles

To the marks of my heart

And understand why the streets have chosen me

They would know the reason that I strive

Or the reason I keep running to hide

Laid bare would be the fear I believed

Unloved and unlovable am I

Worthy to none

And from me they would flee

Wouldn't they?

For isn't this what they would see?

So how could there be

Such a love from One who could see

And yet remain with me

Can it be that for me He longs?

To hold me, and to know me?

It cannot be, can it?

Somewhere, such a fear

Lingered too in my heart

Neither thriving nor living

And yet not dying

Until He journeyed there me

Just as He longs to do with you

Taking my hand in His

He walked with me

Through darkness and death

Over hills and mountains we climbed

Through deep valleys

And cavernous depths

Until the source of my fear He revealed

Then grasping it in His hands

Right and left, and then his feet

He showed once more

That it was already put to death for me

And then I began to see

How great and deep

How true and perfect

Is the Father's love for me

And He who does see

To the depths of my heart

Causes me to consider

That I really am loved

Just for who I am

Ephesians 3:19...to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge,

that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.