Overcoming Fear: Loneliness & Isolation

Anxiety is a common reality of life to many of us these days.  There is simply so much in this world that can leave a person scarred and unsettled.  Constant worry, or anxiety, can be a natural response.  And finding the right help to overcome it may not be obvious.  Before long loneliness and self imposed isolation can settle in.  But there is great hope to be found.  Freedom from fear is available.  To get there however will likely require the need to journey for a little while.  And unpacking the anxiety responses of loneliness and isolation seem like a good place to start.

So what does it feel like it when anxiety drives you to loneliness?  This is a place that can transform anxiety to fear.  There is a desire to be free of the difficult, constant, and confusing emotions. There is a longing to know there is at least one person who understands, and not just anyone, but someone who will comfort, console, and encourage as well. These folks are not so easy to come by though. And when you are already struggling to avoid constant anxiety it's easy to believe you really are very different from others. This only reinforces the sense of being alone. 

It can then be easy to distance yourself from others, even those you love. Wandering about like Eeyore, from the Winnie the Pooh, may seem appropriate. You might be surrounded by your closest friends and family, but find yourself unable to engage, feeling smothered by the weight of the moment. But what weight? What moment? Well, when you're in this place it can be anything and everything. The fear and anxiety a person experiences can be constant and intense, leaving you always on edge. You may even feel the need to run away and escape from some eminent but invisible threat. Any and every added stimulus can intensify the feeling and retreat can seem the only viable option. The sounds of laughter and love can be heard as noise at best, or mocking at worst. Smells can remind you of different times and places, often those that were settings of trauma. Even the look and feel of a place can be unsettling.

The picture I'm painting here isn't theoretical either. For me it was reality. Each of these characteristics describe an aspect of my own journey. I am grateful to be able to write that these are largely in my rear view mirror, but only because of the help and healing I received as I journeyed. A great deal of which came directly because of my faith in Jesus Christ. I personally cannot imagine having walked down this path without knowing He was there. In my very darkest of moments, when I even began to question Him, the truth of His love for me held me sure.

Yet even those who have known the comfort of Christ still may struggle, particularly if healthy responses to anxiety still need to be learned, or if effective support systems have not yet been built. This struggle can reach the unfortunate extreme of panic attacks. These can be so difficult to endure that they can actually mimic heart attacks. So once again, the choice of separating from others feels...well, safe and almost comforting. And it can be, for a moment, until the moments come after a spike in anxiety and you feel there is no one to reach out to. The lights are off and there is nothing but silence, the long unendurable silence. And that place is not simply one of fear, but is utterly terrifying.

This is a place I repeatedly found myself in as I walked through my own journey of discovery and healing. It seemed that in that place the abuse and trauma from my past became fresh and immediate. Before learning to identify the cause of my anxiety and how to respond it felt like I was reliving past terrors. Even though my mind knew the loved ones in my life were healthy and safe my heart seemed confused at times and I began to withdrawal, to isolate. Isolation was a poor coping mechanism which robbed me of a great deal of love and support. I pray for much better for you. So let me try to explain just what isolation is, as well as what it is not.

What isolation is not:

It is not escape. Escape is fleeing something dangerous, confining, or controlling. Some who struggle with anxiety may be, or have been, in dangerous and destructive situations that should be fled. Doing so is both healthy and the right thing thing to do.

Isolation is also not solitude. Solitude is a purposeful act to temporarily separate from other people and things in order to recenter around core beliefs and values. It is not escaping or isolating from others but instead is an intentional, and prayerful, focusing on who you are and who has made you.

What is isolation?

It is separating yourself from others, avoiding them in an effort to avoid uncomfortable feelings. It can be done both intentionally and unintentionally. It leaves you on your own and feeling very lonely.

If you often find yourself alone because you prefer to avoid even the possibility of discomfort from being around others then there is a good chance you've been isolating. And while you can began feeling very lonely and depressed, family and friends may not be aware of what's happening,

So what can you do?

It's very important when feeling this way that you take a risk and tell others. Reach out. Talk to others about how you feel. Begin building a network of people you feel safe sharing openly and honestly with. These should be people who will listen without offering judgment. They'll simply make themselves available to gently and lovingly walk through this journey with you. Don't feel as though you've got to tell everyone, but at least those select individuals you've trusted before, who've shown themselves faithful, people who have a genuine interest in your well being. It might be a coworker, a teacher, a boss, a friend, or a family member. Whoever these folks are, and wherever you might encounter them, let them know how you are feeling and that you need help. And keep letting them know.

And in those moments when the quiet offers no peace and there doesn't seem to be another person on earth who knows you're alone please understand that you really are never alone. There really is a God who loves you, who brought you into being and knows your name. He is with you in the deafening silence and longs to bring you the comfort of His love, and the peace of His presence. His name is Jesus and He is there, waiting to hear your voice, no matter how you may feel. He is available to hold you close. He's not bothered by your fear, but offers himself to journey through it with you, no matter how long it takes to overcome and find the peace He's prepared for you. Reach out to him. He really is already with you.

Perfect Love

Fear can take hold of you and make you forget how to breathe. It can demand your every sense while robbing you of the pleasure of them all. It almost always comes from a lie, whispering that it’s keeping you alive and yet never allowing you to live.

Where does this kind of fear come from and how does it find its place at home in our hearts? This is not an easy question to ask for it requires you to look deep within acknowledging a reality common to us all. The answer of course can be as varied as individuals on this earth. We all have our own unique journeys, experiences, and stories. No two of us are exactly alike. Yet we hold these things in common. We all have been created by one God. We all experience the brokenness of this world. And we all can experience the healing of perfect love.

It is this broken world that gives birth to the tyranny of fear within us. The particular paths it takes to wind its way to each one of us can be as different as we are. And the effects we each may feel can have such vast expressions as well. But they are there nonetheless. Ultimately fear longs for us to question who we are, who God is, the value we intrinsically have to Him, and the love He holds out to us.

My own journey through fear was one that required me to stare down my past and there and then remember what has always been true. I really am made in the image of God. I was made by a trustworthy God who loves me. I am worthy of love. And I am pleasing to God. 

This was no easy journey. I had to acknowledge the broken places of my past. It meant overcoming the lies I had believed there. And I needed to believe and hold the truths of who I am and who God is. Without this journey I would not really be living, certainly not with any real sense of peace or lasting joy. Yet through it God begin healing my soul. That healing continues today, but it’s not just for me.  It something that God holds out to all in need.

If you find yourself struggling with fear, anxiety, worry, or even depression know that you are not alone.  There are many of us who share such a struggle. And there are many willing and able to support us, to walk with us, to help us heal. Ultimately God himself desires to lead you down a path of healing if you’ll allow Him. Let me encourage you to trust Him today, by trusting in Jesus Christ. Call out to Him. He won’t disappoint. Reach out to those who truly care for you as well. I know this can be difficult, but it really is worth it. You are worth it. And remember, “Perfect love casts out fear.” - 1 John 4:18

The Ones in the Roadways

As I headed to the airport Monday morning I felt the Lord preparing me for a divine appointment.  I expected to meet someone in the airport or on the plane.  However, after landing in San Diego without "bumping into" anyone I was a little disappointed, but figured maybe I was just wrong.  After getting my rental car I decided to go for a jog along the bay, and on the way there I noticed many who were homeless.  Again the Lord whispered, 'divine appointment'.

The moment I parked my rental car I was met by Keith.  He walked with a bicycle that I imagine was strained to bear even his slight frame.  His sandy hair was shaggy and sun bleached.  His tanned skin did not come from sun bathing, and it's countless lines told the story of a man who had not recently made his home on the streets.  Keith told me a brief story and asked if I could help him with a little money.

I don't usually mind doing this for someone in need but this time the Lord said no.  I instead offered him some peanuts and a simple little cross that happened to be in my bag.  He happily accepted both.  We chatted for a few minutes, and I listened as he explained some past failed attempts to get off the streets.  I then asked if I could pray for him, and he welcomed it.

The Lord must have touched Keith as we prayed because he seemed stunned and appreciative   afterward.  I then shared a very brief word I sensed the Lord speak.  He was stunned once again.  As we parted I knew that Keith had been touched deeply and personally, and his heart seemed open to more from God.  I could have tried to lead him in a prayer of repentance and salvation, but at that point I knew I had done what the Lord had directed.  Anything else would have been me pressing too hard.

I trust the Holy Spirit knows right where Keith is and will continue reaching out to draw him home.  After all He's the one who had been whispering to me all day.  He's the one the who led Keith to my space on the pier.  And He's the one who sparked a light of wonder in Keith's eyes and heart.  The Lord won't forget about him.  I'm certain He'll continue sending others down Keith's street.  One day I believe he'll answer the invitation to come home.  Maybe you'll be the one The Lord sends?  Will you listen and go?  I pray that you do.

“Then the master told his servant, ‘Go out to the roads and country lanes and compel them to come in, so that my house will be full. (‭Luke‬ ‭14‬:‭23‬ NIV)

Calling Out From the Shadow

The young boy sitting next to me was flying on his own, and heading down to visit his dad in Florida. He was a bit hungry and clearly not prepared for the delays caused by the sub-zero temps experienced in the Midwest early this year.  I offered him what few snacks I had and struck up some small talk revolving around his interests, most of which were sports.  Eventually we were joined by the third and final passenger in our row, Chris.  He slowly engaged in our conversation and seemed interested in also helping put this young traveler at ease.  When our conversation turned toward faith, and Christ, Chris became much more involved.

Although he was not a believer himself, and leaned toward atheism, he was very curious and willing to consider the ideas of God having relationship with man.  However, like many, he struggled with reconciling the reality of a holy God with a world of pain, loss, and injustice.  As we chatted he eventually began sharing with me about his family.  The more he did the more I gained the sense that his struggle embracing the reality of God and the truth of Jesus Christ came from his childhood home.

Chris seemed to have parents whom he knew loved and cared for him, but also pushed him to succeed and become more like his brother.  Yet, he was very different from his brother and his parents had a difficult time accepting or celebrating his unique qualities.  As I listened to him I thought I also heard the Lord whispering that much of Chris struggles were born of a deep sense of rejection.  He explained that as he grew older he slowly began rejecting the things his parents, and brother embraced, like worldly success, higher education, and their Christian faith.  However, he also found himself in a strange place of lacking his own identity.

As I think back now his challenge in accepting God, the loving Father, and Jesus Christ, the sinless and perfect Son of God, makes a lot of sense.  How could he accept these truths without ever having felt accepted for who he is?  He had failed to truly and fully receive this all his life, and now as a young man began believing himself to be a screw up.  With such a belief of himself and his own family how could Chris reasonably expect to please a perfect God?  Of course he could not (none of us can on our own).  I believe though that Jesus met him in that plane so that for however brief a time he could experience true acceptance from not only a perfect and holy God, but one overflowing with grace and love.  By the end of our trip I was quite surprised that Chris, the near atheist, allowed me to pray with and for him. From time to time he still comes to mind and I am moved to pray for him still, that he would come to know and embrace the love of Christ.  I pray that all who find themselves in dark and shadowy places would hear the voice of Jesus calling to them and would turn toward Him, and home.

"God sets the lonely in families, he leads out the prisoners with singing; but the rebellious live in a sun-scorched land."  Psalm 68:6

Jesus in the Aisle

There was a bit of commotion as Kathy struggled to make her carry-on fit into the overhead compartment. Although her appearance expressed that she was a woman in control she nevertheless seemed out of sorts and clearly flustered by the challenge, and if I recall correctly she was delaying the boarding for other passengers. Some, who were already seated, as well as the flight attendant, grew a touch irritated. Finally, the young flight attendant offered her assistance but did so with sarcastic humor. She apologized and blurted out that she was just trying to get to her mother who as in the hospital and dying.

In response the irritated passengers amazingly thought it helpful, as well as humorous, to offer to buy her a drink since they agreed she could really use one. The flight attendant persisted to try and relieve Kathy with his sarcasm, but she was utterly frazzled and not the sort to easily catch others’ wit. I was saddened by what I observed and upset at the lack of sensitivity she received. Yet, for the duration of that flight I found no opportunity to help her, other than through prayer.

After the plane touched down and the departing passengers were gone Kathy took the opportunity to take a seat closer to the front. She seemed intensely interested in not wasting a single moment on this frantic journey. She moved her carry-on bags to a more forward compartment and sat down in the aisle seat opposite me. I remember her face seeming pressed with anxiety and her eyes strained from the weight she bore. I knew the Lord had given me a chance to offer her a little much needed kindness.

I leaned into the aisle, gently touching her arm, and told her that I couldn’t help but over hear what she’d said about her mother being in the hospital and not doing well. I told her I was very sorry. As I spoke the lines in her forehead relaxed and her eyes seemed to brighten, if only ever so slightly. She thanked me for my concern and went on to explain that she had learned just the day before of her mother’s situation as well as the doctor’s expectation of there only being a few days before her mother passed. Her concern was intensified by the reality of the strained relationship the two of them had known for so many years. Kathy explained briefly of some of the difficulties between them, that she had long before forgiven her mother, ant that she loved her dearly. Yet, still they remained distant. Now she hoped only to get to the hospital in time to tell her how much she loved her and to say goodbye.

I immediately felt the Lord urging me to pray for her. I simply asked her if that would be alright. The offer had barely left my lips before she grabbed my hand and asked me to please pray. I gently held her hand and began, being interrupted briefly by the newly boarding passengers. I prayed for her peace and comfort, the opportunity for her to be reconciled with her mother, and for the presence of Christ to be with her. She couldn’t have been more thankful. Even if her words couldn’t quite communicate it her face and eyes did.

Certainly she was still upset but the Jesus met her there in the middle of that aisle. His presence gave her a sense of peace and hope that overcame her fear. She no longer seemed distraught and the light in her heart seemed restored. She then related that she too was a believer and had been for many years. As the conversation now shifted she seemed a bit lighter and no longer stuck in the waves of grief. The Lord had lifted her above them.

As I look back on this encounter I can see Christ at work. I recognize how my own similar past experiences gave me an ability to relate to this person who was a complete stranger. Then the Lord filled my heart with the compassion He longed to express to her. A simple gesture of kindness was all that He needed to remind her of His love and amazing strength, and to encourage her to take refuge in Him.

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God."
2 Corinthians 1:3-4 NIV

Just to be WITH you

When I sat down in the quiet stillness of the morning and began to open my Bible I knew I needed something more.  More than the usual.  Although the usual with God is never ordinary and is always life-giving I somehow felt the need for something more.  I needed to be with my Abba, my God, who is also my loving and faithful Father.

My reading plan had me in Genesis, reading about Joseph's experiences in Egypt.  Although there is a great deal there to see and to study I have to confess that I wasn't all that interested.  Nevertheless, I started in.  I read about his ordeal of being sold by slave traders (initially sold to them by his own brothers) to a wealthy Egyptian.  I read about him then being cast into prison because of false charges by the man's wife.  And then I read of his release and opportunity to impress the Pharaoh as the Pharaoh sought to understand a troubling dream.

After Joseph's explanation the Pharaoh was utterly impressed.  Yet as he spoke to the Pharaoh he accepted no praise and explained that God Himself had allowed him to interpret the dream.  As I read this part of the story I stopped and thought, what was it about Joseph that caused him in that moment to give all honor to God and save none for himself?

As a young man he had caused division between himself and his brothers by speaking arrogantly about the things the Lord showed him.  Years later, he has an incredibly opportunity to seize glory and to take the credit for his incredible vision and gift.  He doesn't.  He's been changed.  He is no longer the Arrogant and selfish young man he used to be.

What was it?  This was my question as I considered Joseph's response to Pharaoh.  What caused him to speak so humbly of himself, but so boldly of the Lord?  I had to stop and look back at the story.  What had I missed?  I must have read past something too important to miss.  I thought to myself, of course his ordeals had pressed him and given him a great deal of time to think, but were these alone enough to bring about such remarkable change?

Then, I found the answer.  It's a phrase that is repeated 3 times in chapter 39.  How could I have missed it???  Yet, there it was.  "The Lord was with Joseph".  I suppose it was easy not to give attention to, because it doesn't stand out as a major point of Joseph's experiences.  In reality, it is THE major point of Joseph's entire story.

The gravity of God being with Joseph is what he somehow always failed to grasp as a young boy growing up in a very religious and God-fearing household.  Yet, in the midst of trial, pain, and isolation this reality begins to shape Joseph.  As I thought about this I wanted to be sure I understood this phrase well and that I wasn't overstating what I thought I saw.  So, looked up the Hebrew word for with that was used in verse 2. 

The definition and descriptions provided left me with no doubt.  The meaning for this word at the center of this phrase and for Joseph was one of incredible intimacy.  It means to be directly against, as in an embrace.  Think of that.  In Joseph's darkest and most painful hours and YEARS God was WITH him, embracing him as a Father, even as a Grand-father would hold his young grand-son.

As I began to understand what this text is saying about Joseph, about me, I realized clearly that God had graciously responded to my need.  He showed me once again the tremendous significance of being with Him, of being in His presence. 

With.  It's the very reason God came, that He sent Jesus Christ...to be WITH us, because of His great love for us.  I pray you will find yourself with Him today.

Pursuing the One

I first noticed him, with unkempt hair and dirty clothes, stopping in at the local Starbucks on especially cold mornings last winter.  He made an impression on me because it’s rather unusual to see folk like him daring enough to come near to, well, people like me I suppose, and he couldn’t have been more than 19 years old.  The young man carried with him a blanket which barely seemed fit for the trunk of my car. Yet, he walked with it draped about his shoulders.  His simple desire seemed only to be warm, but his apparent shame was difficult to hide.  As I later walked by him on my way to the bathroom I caught the unmistakable scent of a person who had not had a bath in a very long time.  He didn’t pay any attention to me though.  He just continued to read the discarded newspaper, blanket still wrapped about him.  I wanted to help him somehow, but he didn’t seem interested in asking anyone for anything, and I didn’t want to offend him.  However, before I left the restroom I decided I would at least offer to buy him a cup of coffee.  Unfortunately, he had already left.  Thankfully it wasn’t the last time I would see him.

                A few weeks had gone by and I was beginning to wonder if I was going to see him again.  Then, on another brisk winter morning he walked in to Starbucks once more, but this time he went directly into the bathroom.  I was eager to meet him so I tried to pay attention to who came and went.  After some time had passed I began to wonder if I’d missed him as he left.  So, I got up and made my way toward the bathroom myself.  After entering I immediately noticed the same odor I was met by as I walked past him on the first encounter, and then noticed a pair of very well worn sneakers which could just be seen beneath the divider.  I realized that slowly warming up within the privacy afforded him in a bathroom stall must have felt much better as he was able to escape the peering eyes and awkward glances of those in the lobby.

                Somehow I again missed him as he must have left while I was on the phone, or typed an email.  I was so irritated with myself and felt I had blown my chance.  I actually prayed right then for at least one more opportunity to meet him.  My prayer was answered a few days later as I saw him once more at Starbucks.  His routine was the same this time around, except as he reentered the lobby he sat down at an open table.  Now was my chance.  I made my way over and introduced myself, then asked him what his name was.  Mike.  I told him it was nice to meet him and asked if he was hungry, and if I could get him something to eat.  Umm, sure.  His clear and astonished eyes seemed to say so much more than his lips could muster.  Then he shocked me.  When it was time to order he simply asked for a small cup of coffee, nothing to eat.  Are you sure?  I asked, “You can get whatever you’d like.” Yeah, thanks, he said.  We chatted for a minute then he went back to his seat and I returned to mine.  He left shortly afterward, blanket still wrapped about him and a cup of coffee in his hand.

                I’ve seen Mike around town and from a distance since then, and have even bumped into him on another occasion, and every time I wish there was something more I could do.  Every time I wonder too what would drive a young man like himself to the streets.  I don’t know if I’ll ever hear his story but I’m thankful for the meeting we had.  I’m thankful too for the Lord urging me to get up out of my seat, and out of my comfort zone, that day, the same kind of urging I’m sure I’ve ignored too many times before.  I suppose the difference was the many prayers asking Jesus to make me more like Him, and the countless times reading about Jesus’ own encounters, hoping I would someday simply live more boldly, compassionately, like I said, more like Jesus.

                Lately, I’ve been looking even more intently at some of the encounters Jesus had with people.  One particular story has been especially striking to me.  It’s the account in the Gospel of John (John 4) where Jesus meets the woman at the well.  I’ve only just realized how intentional His choice to remain at a Samaritan well during the “6^th hour of the day” was.  Given these details Jesus was virtually guaranteed to meet a Samaritan woman, someone not just different from Himself, but wholly inappropriate for Him, as a Jewish and holy man, to associate with, especially in public.  Yet, He showed no concern for such divisive social conventions while He did show great concern for the woman He met.  The focus of their conversation centered first upon water and then restoration, but it was motivated entirely by Jesus’ great love and compassion for the lost, and those broken by life, and in this instance especially for her.

                It was because Jesus dared to set aside the opinion of others and pursue someone who never would have sought Him out that not only was she restored to God, experiencing a freedom she had never before known, but so did many others from the village.  As uncomfortable as it can be to approach a stranger, not to mention someone as “different” from me as Mike is, I want to continue growing in my willingness and care in doing so.  People who are confused and hurting are not going to come and find me, but I can go and find them, and when I do I can give my ear to hearing their story.  As Christ then would lead me, I can attempt to gently offer His loving and compassionate truth, which at first may look a lot like a cup of cold water, or maybe a cup of coffee.

A Place in-Between

My wife and I have recently come to a place of sudden and life altering news, and for the first several days we simply felt stunned. There was, and still is, a tremendous amount of crying out to God, but there was also a struggle to understand why we were brought here. God was faithful to meet us and call us to trust Him. Yet, He didn't describe what trusting Him this time around is going to mean. We believe He has us in His hands and that He is in the process of answering our prayers, but we just don't know how He will do this. It feels like we've taken the first deep breath after coming out of the water but haven't yet exhaled. We'll begin breathing normally again, but until we do we're in between. At least, it feels that way to me.

It is in the in between that my heart is overwhelmed. It is a place of utter vulnerability where I recognize that I am powerless to change my circumstances. While I have a promise from God to answer my call, and my bitter cry, still I must wait to see it fulfilled. The in between is the place where the enemy of my soul longs to bring me fear and cause me to question my Holy Father. It is also a place where my Abba sees and feels my torment with me. It is a place where He reminds me of His utter love and compassion poured out for me through His son Jesus.

The in between is a place where I need to be reminded of my Daddy God's presence, His touch, and His loving eyes. It is in this place where I learn to trust my God anew, and that while He will not always take the pain from me He will lead me through the darkness. I don't think I will ever embrace these places, but I will look forward to the sweet embrace of my God as long as I'm there.

Habbakuk 3:19The sovereign Lord is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, he enable me to go on the heights.

Would All the Revolutionaries Please Stand Up?

What does it mean to be a revolutionary? We study the concept from history. We watch from our televisions as nations are changed, seemingly overnight. Yet most of us can not appreciate what it means to take part in something that transforms a culture, a people, or a society. The need for revolution seems mostly foreign to us. We aren't able to quite comprehend what it would mean to utterly and completely overthrow a powerful enemy and to thoroughly change something. Perhaps we should. Perhaps we should consider the needs before us, in the lives of people all around us, and even within ourselves. So many of us look to fill the needs of our hearts and souls with so many things that simply cannot satisfy. Then, from good intentions we often mean to help others from the same empty solutions. Yet, there remains only one solution. Only the love of Christ can truly fill the longings of the hearts of men. As we allow Him to utterly transform us then can we be positioned to carry that same life altering and peace filling love to others.

So, where are all the revolutionaries? If we don't know where to look we won't see them, and we won't know how to join them. More often than not they won't be found on the 5 o'clock news, the morning headlines, or the front page of most news sites. Yet, they can be found, and often are all around us. If I may let me show you what I mean.

Just two months ago, on April 27th, a devastating series of tornadoes ripped through the southern part of our country, especially the state of Alabama. So many cities looked worse than many war zones. I was deployed as part of a team of chaplains from Foursquare's Disaster Relief initiative and saw the destruction firsthand. Town after town had been laid waste. We talked with person after person who either lost loved ones, their homes, or places of work. Yet, we also saw something else. People immediately responded to the incredible needs with a super human effort. Churches were transformed into emergency shelters and distribution centers. They went through the demolished neighborhoods looking for anyone who needed help and they opened their doors to all who would enter. Restoration Church in Madison is one such place. Since many of their congregation had been through a Disaster Relief Training just a few months earlier they were well prepared to respond to the need. Nearly half of their church building was turned into a relief center, providing food and supplies for anyone affected by the tornadoes. They connected people with other agencies as needed, and coordinated the arrival and work of our chaplain teams. For many years they had already been a beacon of life and hope by preaching and living out the truth and love of Jesus. Then they stood and responded to a very specific need, and in so doing they helped to bring healing to their community. They are well living out their name as restoration is coming to those they touch. They stand as true revolutionaries fighting back the darkness for many and ushering in the light of Christ, both in word and deed.

I am also reminded of one particular chaplain I had the privilege of serving alongside. Sandy is one remarkable woman. As a young teen she overcame much because of the transforming touch of Christ she encountered. Years later, after being married and preparing for a life of ministry, she and her husband Steve (also one of our amazing chaplains) became lead pastors ministering to the streets of East Nashville. Yet, what seems so remarkable to me about Sandy is how she allows nothing to hold her back from faithfully following Jesus. Not long after arriving in Madison and joining our team I learned that she was battling Leukemia, along with a number of other ailments. Even still she never let this slow her down. In spite of her sickness she brought hope and comfort to people who had seemingly lost everything, including their own family members. I briefly wondered how she was able to do this, and do it so well. As I got to know her I realized that she had simply allowed the love of Christ to completely permeate her entire being and was therefore able to live as the child of God she is. Sandy is a woman fully committed to her Savior...a revolutionary.

So many of the people that our chaplain team met in Alabama had courageously faced devastation while not allowing it to define them. Their experiences in the storm mark tremendous change in their lives but are also part of many larger stories. Lylo, is one such young man whose courageous journey began many years earlier in South Chicago. While his appearance suggested there to be a real hardness about him, nothing could be further from the truth. His harsh tattoos and piercings were simply reminders of a former life and seemed to melt away as he revealed the warmth and kindness within. After inviting me in out of the heat with a big smile, offering me a cold bottle of water, and a seat beside him on the couch he explained his encounter the day of the tornado. As with many other visits with other tornado survivors I was again amazed at what he had endured, and how God had protected him. Then he began to tell me how Christ had rescued and changed his life, not from the tornado but from a life of dealing drugs and gang-bangin' in Chicago. His life was transformed when as a teenager he took a trip to Alabama to visit his grandparents and gave his heart to Jesus. He would never be the same, and years later would move there permanently, eventually getting married, and beginning to raise a family to love the same Father God who he himself had fallen in love with. His biggest concern as we talked was not the significant, and still un-repaired, damage to his home but the desire to be sure that his children would follow in his steps, the ones marking his new life...as a revolutionary follower of Christ.

Almost everyone we spoke with somehow held on to hope, sometimes through tears, and occasionally words of frustration. They knew they would be alright, their homes and businesses could be rebuilt, and they believed their lost loved ones were with their Savior. On many occasions they brought more encouragement to us then we seemed possible of offering them. So many of them simply knew whom they were anchored in and took comfort in knowing the Lord was with them. Their changed lives and their stories serve as a call to us. While most of us won't experience or be near to the kind of destruction born by a tornado we all are familiar with how cruel and painful life can be. We all know those whom while experiencing such cruelty have not the hope of Christ. Yet, Jesus calls to us today to stand and rise above whatever would seek to pull us down, to stand against the darkness that pervades so many. Like Restoration Church, Sandy, and Lylo, He calls us to open ourselves completely to His grace and to follow in His steps. His steps are those of the great revolutionary of all time. I don't know about you but I want to do my best to walk with Him.

Romans 12:1-2
I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.

The Answer for the Ancients, and for You and Me.

So often as I read my Bible I meet ancient believers who could not understand why God didn't seem to come to their aid. They cry out for His deliverance and for answers to their suffering, but often the answers seem to allude them. I wonder what some of these ancients would have thought about how God ultimately did answer their calls for help.

I wonder what they would have thought of a simple man who lived and walked among the people, a common man. I wonder what they would have thought of such a man being anointed as their saving king. I wonder what they would have thought about a savior who was able to raise the dead, but unwilling to raise a sword.

What would they have thought of this man, who instead of delivering them from their enemies gave himself up on their behalf. What would they have thought when they saw him rise up from the grave and hear him call them to lay their lives down as well. I don't know how they would have responded to Jesus doing all of this and more. But I do know what I think.

I think embracing Christ is the easiest choice I've ever made, but following in His steps is no easy road. Yet, I can think of nothing so rewarding. I wonder what you would think of such a man. I wonder if you would look anew upon Jesus Christ this Easter and see the freedom and the love He holds out for you, and embrace Him too.

Rise up; come to our help! Redeem us for the sake of your steadfast love!

Psalm 44:26

Coudl it Be?

It is unthinkable to consider

That I could really be loved

Just for who I am

This is a love too great

Too pure

Too perfect to fathom

It escapes comprehension

And is beyond understanding

Surely only I am aware

Of the soiled and sickly

State of my heart

If the unsearchable could be revealed

If the buried could be found

From me they would run

They would know the reason that I over-eat

And why I live so anxiously

They might trace the marks of the needles

To the marks of my heart

And understand why the streets have chosen me

They would know the reason that I strive

Or the reason I keep running to hide

Laid bare would be the fear I believed

Unloved and unlovable am I

Worthy to none

And from me they would flee

Wouldn't they?

For isn't this what they would see?

So how could there be

Such a love from One who could see

And yet remain with me

Can it be that for me He longs?

To hold me, and to know me?

It cannot be, can it?

Somewhere, such a fear

Lingered too in my heart

Neither thriving nor living

And yet not dying

Until He journeyed there me

Just as He longs to do with you

Taking my hand in His

He walked with me

Through darkness and death

Over hills and mountains we climbed

Through deep valleys

And cavernous depths

Until the source of my fear He revealed

Then grasping it in His hands

Right and left, and then his feet

He showed once more

That it was already put to death for me

And then I began to see

How great and deep

How true and perfect

Is the Father's love for me

And He who does see

To the depths of my heart

Causes me to consider

That I really am loved

Just for who I am

Ephesians 3:19...to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge,

that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.

Sometimes I Cry

Sometimes I cry
When I stand before God in wonder
And think of HIs great love and grace
I see Him holy and full of splendor

I start to sing
As praise ascends to my lips
Still I see His glory and srength
But fear hides that I am His

Tho Christ I see
A shame remains deep within
Years of brokeness and stans have soiled
The fabric of my soul so thin

Then I hear Him
Still I hold you in my arms
I am here and you are mine
Rest in me, I'll shield you from harm

And so I breathe
Deeply from my heart once more
The shell around me broken again
My gaze returns heaven ward

I consider
All that Jesus Christ has done for me
All that His grace has wrought
My spirit is lifted as I bow my knee

And, sometimes I cry


"You shall be holy, for I the Lord your God am holy."
Leviticus 19:2b ESV

Firmly Planted

Jesus spoke of the sower who scattered seed while planting his field (Luke 8:9-15). He related the seed that fell on the rocks to those who believed for a moment but fell away when it became hard, and because they had no root. He eventually also said the seed planted in good soil are like those who believe God's word deeply and sincerely. Please forgive my rough paraphrase. The painful beauty of seed sown in fertile soil is the reality God prepared for every Christ following believer. His glorious purpose is to draw forth a full and vibrant life from a place of darkness and loneliness. Let me explain.

I realize that those who fall away during trial (the seed on the rock) are not the only ones who experience trial. Even those planted in good soil must hold God''s word fast. And why ever hold anything fast except that something should threaten to strip it away? I am reminded that we have been made to reproduce God's love and grace, but this only happens with patience and a complete surrender to His will. How unutterably painful it is when it seems that even in the midst of being planted in good soil we experience the loneilness of the dark and suffocating soil? How terribly confusing it is in one moment to be in the palm of the Lord's hand, and in the next to be burried deeply in the dark, cold, and wet earth. Then, as if that doesn't seem bad enough, the seemingly constant torrents of water begin coming like a daily flood. And how lonely it is to be burried there out of sight and sound of all others, or so it can seem. How awful never to feel the warmth of the sun.

Then, in a brilliant transformation roots begin to extend beyond the shell of this cracked seed and the beginning of new life slowly lifts upward. Soon air is again tasted, but not by the seed. It's breathed in deeply by the new life springing forth from the dark rich nourishing soil. The light of day is felt again, or is it for the first time? Before long this new life will grow tall and vibrant, and will itself bring forth new life.

In a moment it begins to become clear how perfectly necessary the constant torrents, the once suffocating soil, even the loneliness. All of it caused this life, caused me, to reach heavenward with a strength and desire borne by the Spirit of God alone.

As for that in the good soil, they are those who, hearing God's word, hold it fast, in an honest and good heart, and bear fruit with patience.

Luke 8:15 ESV

Will you hear His word today and hold it tightly, deeply, in your own honest and good heart? I pray you do.

I Stand Renewed

Oh how my heart aches within
Here in silence
Great walls closing in

Constrained by fear so heavy
Darkness surrounds
The weight seems deathly

Falling beneath this pressing
I kneel once more
It won't release me

Rivers flow of untold pain
Never Ceasing
Memries pour like rain

My heart open and laid bare
A voice whispers
Glimpsing holy glare

Peace to you my son, be still
I'm with you here
To mend and to fill

Take hold of me now and trust
I won't let go
Despite fading dusk

The darkness there still remains
Absent is fear
Beauty His eyes contain

To my feet then do I rise
Taking His hand
Letting go a sigh

Strengthened by the love of Christ
I stand renewed
To carry His light

Faithful and Just

Is it not just to long for the promises of the Father?

Is it not just to hope for the dreams He wrote upon my heart?

Is it not just when the Lord fulfills every word uttered by His Spirit?

I will look to you, O God, and no mere man, to see your justice done in my life.

I will seek your face, my Lord, to see your will fulfilled in my day.

Many seek the face of a ruler, but it is from the Lord that a man gets justice.

Proverbs 29:26 ESV

Believe in the NAME of Jesus Christ?

What does it mean to believe in the NAME of Jesus Christ? As I sat in the still and quiet morning recently reading my Bible I began wondering this. As I considered the significance of names in Biblical culture I began to understand the importance of believing in the NAME of Jesus. A name carried far more significance in the days of Christ, and that by intention, than in our modern age. A name was meant to describe or perhaps even define a person. Yet, most people failed miserably to live up to the noble names given them. Or they seemed to succomb to the disappoinment and hurt of common, sometimes vulgar, names and lived down to them. In Jesus however we see for the first, and only, time in history someone who was not only able to live up to the full meaning of His righteous name, but lived it out so well that we could really begin to understand who He was. He was both defined by and defined His name.

Now when the name of Jesus Christ is spoken, whether in honor or dishonor, it is done so with unmistakable clarity of the person spoken about. More than this, He showed the world through His life, death, and resurrection what it meant to be God with Us, our Savior, and the Prince of Peace. Jesus allows us to see up close and with historic intimacy the heart and love of the Father for us all. So to believe in the name of Jesus Christ is to give Him your trust, to give Him your very heart, because He is trustworthy. He is faithful. Then can we also love others as His life so beautiful displayed.

1 John 3:23
And this is his commandment, that we believe in the name of his Son Jesus Christ and love one another, just as he commanded us.

No Light Ahead?

People always seem to talk about there being a light at the end of a tunnel right when you happen to be walking through a dark and challenging time. I know they only mean to bring hope. I've even spoken those words myself to try and encourage friends or loved ones from time to time. Yet, I've come to realize something that I didn't understand before. Sometimes when the road is especially hard, the pain is deep, and you can't see the way in front of you it can seem as though all light has gone out, especially at the end of the tunnel.

I used to be a person who always saw the way ahead. No matter what unexpected turn may have come my eyes remained set on the path ahead of me, the one I just knew the Lord had set my feet upon. There was just one problem. Somewhere along the journey, early on I suppose, I stopped being content with simply following the Lord's lead and began trying to forge ahead. I was certain I knew the path He was taking me on, even though I'd never been there before.

By God's kindness and grace I eventually came to realize I wasn't really following HIM all that well. What a blow it was to my pride when my eyes were opened to the truth of my limits and frailty, which I suppose was exactly the point. Then something else began to happen. The Lord didn't stop at revealing my sin of arrogance but began taking me deep into myself to reveal long hidden wounds and buried bitterness. Suddenly God wasn't talking to me about the road ahead anymore, and I had sure lost confidence in myself to see it. Instead, He was telling me to simply wait upon and to trust Him. Each time He'd reveal an old, but fresh, wound I would hear those same words again. The last thing I wanted to do was to turn and face each point of pain, but it seemed there was no moving forward through the darkness unless I did.

So, that's where I've been these days, walking through this tunnel that at times seems unbearably dark. At every bend there seems to be another reminder of past pain and regret, ones which I had unknowingly buried deep beneath the surface. As I bump into them this time around though I know I've been equipped by my Comforter to face them and receive His healing. I believe God has my way well planned out and even though I can't see where He's taking me I know He is trustworthy. Even though His road for me requires treading through dark and lonely places I will go. I'll do it because He's called me to and I know I will not be alone, whether I can see the light or not.

Deuteronomy 31:8

The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged."

Broken Me

My search begins again. I thought I was already there. I thought I had already gotten beyond all of this, but here it is once more reminding me of all the pain of yesterday. I thought I had forgiven everything there was to forgive, but something still eats away inside of me. So as I have so many times before I call out to You God, asking for You to show me just what it is that keeps me where I am, unable to move past the hurt. This time though it seems a little different. Lord, You seem to be taking me deeper than I ever wanted to go, far beyond the painful goodbye to the years of excruciating silence, to the days of so much disappointment, and lives in disrepair.

I didn’t want to be here. I didn’t want to search this far, this deep. I just wanted the memories to be wiped away, erased. I wanted my wounds to be healed and my stains to be washed clean. But somehow I’ve never let go myself. Maybe I made myself to blame or maybe I was embittered even at such a tender age. I’m not sure it really matters now, because every wound seems to have been opened again and every mark is clear to see, at least to me. Oh God, now that it’s all so fresh I pray You would somehow work the miracle of grace anew, in me. Show me how constant, and how present you were, standing by me in every scene, holding me every time I fell.

Perhaps then I will finally stop looking, and I will finally embrace You completely as the Father You have always been.

My Unchanging God

Jesus has never changed. Still today He remains unchanging. What has changed is my ability, and yours, to approach God. It is only because of what Jesus has done for you and me, what He accomplished on the cross, that we have full access to the Father. His blood spilled and His body was pierced on the cross for all to forever satisfy the law for all. We must simply come. Since that day on Calvary no sacrifice, or effort, on my part could ever bring me near to God. Jesus accomplished it all.

There is never any new way of approaching God either. Once the curtain was torn Jesus forever became the only way for all to reach God. So what does this mean for me today? What does this mean for you? Well, I know He is always trustworthy and I can and should bank my life on the words He speaks to me. It means I never have to strive to do anything to somehow try and gain His approval. Simply being His son means that I am priceless to Him and He is constantly displaying His love to me.

Being able to really trust Him also means that His promises are true for me and I can be content and wait for Him when He calls me to wait. It means that the next time He calls me to something that is far beyond me, especially that which I would otherwise not choose, I can do it with confidence anyway. It means I can also trust Him to care for those I long to help, but cannot. When we lack the strength and wisdom to help those fallen in the mire He never does. He is faithful to pull them out and bring to them the healing they need.

Indeed, though we often change He never does. Although we are prone to weakness and frailty He never is. Although we may lose hope and begin to lack faith He never does. Jesus Christ is the unchanging God. We can always depend on Him and always go to Him. He will always receive us and always be exactly what we need.

"Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever."

Hebrews 13:8

Robert's Gift

"I want to know Christ, and the power of his resurrection, and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becomming like him in his death." ~ Philippians 3:10

I remember meeting a man by the name of Robert the other day. I recalled our meeting as I read my Bible recently because as we parted he asked me about my favorite verse which I happened to later read. Usually, I don't enter into conversations when approached by able bodied men, like Robert, who are asking for money (which probably speaks more to my insecurity than anything else). However, Robert was different. He bore a sincere smile on his face and seemed awfuly full of joy.

As he came closer to my car I could see by the container he held that he was apparently not asking anything for himself. It held a picture of some children who Robert described as "at-risk youth" who were headed for the streets, the same place he'd come from. The eldest among them couldn't have been more than 11 or 12. Robert also spoke of his faith in Jesus Christ and mentioned a few Biblical passages about caring for those in need, which were not simply rifled out but spoken as if truly believed.

I don't know whether Robert's entire approach was a part of a facade or not. It is certainly possible that everything from his appearance, the picture, his words, and even his smile were all fabricated. However, I doubt this very much and I have a feeling that instead Robert was a man on a mission. When our conversation was drawing to a close and I was asked of my favorite verse I spoke of Paul's words to the Philippian church. Robert seemed to connect with them.

As I later considered his words, demeanor, and apparent selflessness I began to realize that he too is a man intent on knowing Christ, and the power of his resurrection. It is the power to overcome even death and hell, and as I'm sure Robert would testify, it is the power to break the hold that the streets can have on so many, even children. I think rather than being fooled by him I was given a gift. He vividly portrayed to me the same verse I shared with him. So, wherever you are Robert, I thank you and I pray for safety and the life that flows from Christ's resurrection for you and the children you aim to help.